Sterling Ambivalence (sterlingnorth) wrote,
Sterling Ambivalence

How to Hold a Birthday Party in Florida

Every time I tell myself to stop with the dispatches from Florida, the damn state produces something so comic, surreal, or insane I have to document it. Today's dispatch comes from Hernando, Florida courtesy of the St. Petersburg Times.

Melissa Balkcom was arrested Friday evening on two charges of lewd and lascivious exhibition after she was accused of performing nude jumping jacks in front of the girls and daring a 13-year-old to demonstrate oral sex on a soda bottle, said Citrus County Sheriff's Detective Portia Guinn.

In addition, she asked the party children to
  • Do naked jumping jacks themselves
  • French kiss a TV set.
  • Give a lap-dance to a chair.

Apparently, the mother didn't realize that these children weren't enrolled in that kind of dance school. She did realize afterwards that she made some mistakes, but why did it take a discussion with the cops for her to realize this?
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