Every time I tell myself to stop with the dispatches from Florida, the damn state produces something so comic, surreal, or insane I have to document it. Today's dispatch comes from Hernando, Florida courtesy of the St. Petersburg Times . Melissa Balkcom was arrested Friday evening on two charges of lewd and lascivious exhibition after she was accused of performing nude jumping jacks in front of the girls and daring a 13-year-old to demonstrate oral sex on a soda bottle, said Citrus County Sheriff's Detective Portia Guinn. In addition, she asked the party children to Do naked jumping jacks themselves French kiss a TV set. Give a lap-dance to a chair. Apparently, the mother didn't realize that these children weren't enrolled in that kind of dance school. She did realize afterwards that she made some mistakes, but why did it take a discussion with the cops for her to realize this?