Tonight, for Chanukah, I gave my daughter a necklace she'd fallen in love with at a local store; I'd pretended to buy it for someone else, but it was really always fr her. "I see what you did there!" she cried when she saw it. Oh, yes. We speak LOLcat.

It's a brass compass on a chain; I told her "it's so you never lose your way."

It's been a good Chanukah. She got Wyrding Studios jewelry, too, and video games, and seasons of her new favorite shows on DVD. I got gluten-free cookbooks and poetry and the cutest red Mary Janes. Adam hit the board game motherlode.

Tomorrow, we fly to Florida; we'll spend a few days with my parents, then go up to my birthfamily and have Christmas. I will have my last lasagna, my last pastitsio, my last butter cookies, my last baklava.

I will have a break, which I need, because this pace has been wrecking me and wracking me and I have not been okay. One of the cats got hooked into my sweater today and it launched me into a half-hour crying jag - which was, of course, not about the cat or the sweater at all. It was about being severely overclocked, and not having any reduction in my around-the-house duties now that I'm working (six hours of work for me, on gluten, with this fatigue and this pain, are like 12-18 for you). It was about just plain not having time to do something I'd wanted to do for a loved one - because these days have been so tightly packed that the shift of a tiny thing like the checkbook not being balanced on time can cause three days of cascading snowballing failure. I should be at my BARCC friend's play tonight, but it was that or pay bills, and the consequences of defaulting on the credit cards are greater than the consequences of not going out. I still have so, so much left to do tonight.

It will not always be like this. Within a week of cutting gluten, I'll have energy again, and within two weeks I will hurt less. My pain today is worse than it's been in months - most likely the fault of the weather as well as the gluten, below zero with the considerable wind chill, full-body clench.

It's 70 degrees in Florida.

My biopsy is the 29th. So I'll get to begin the new year as I intend to continue.

I'm going a bit spare about the crushing load of everything I must do - but the job itself, it must be noted, is great and I love it, and my co-workers are awesome, and I am learning things (today: all about national gangs with chapters in MA), and I have a good solid grasp of what I need to be doing and a large and finite project that'll kick into gear when I get back - I'm at my best with large and finite. Even the boss at Coca-Cola U who hated me had to admit that I kick ass at that sort of thing. So again, starting as I mean to go on. Kicking ass. Taking names.

Tomorrow I work three hours, hop a train to the airport, and go and not have any packed-full crazy days. Just three more work-hours glutened, and four more when I get back. It can be done.

Last night I dreamed that I had recurring dreams (talk about recursion) about a woman. The time period was around the 1920s, I would guess (though the sleeping mind cares little about anachronism). She was a beautiful(natch), petite blond, with bobbed, curly hair and a sharp dress-suit with a hat. I kept having 12 Monkeys-style flashback dreams of her. She was traveling up 101 (Old Redwood Highway, I suppose, if I wanted to rationalize it.) and then stopped at a bustling resort somewhere in Sonoma County, right off the freeway. The resort was a huge personal estate that had been converted into a retreat. The rooms were on a few levels and surrounded a huge ballroom/bar area with a piano player playing ragtime music. It had that Roaring 20's/Smooth Criminal video style. I couldn't really tell what the woman was doing but I eventually figured out that she was a grifter. She was amazing! Her game was really powerful and she always took her mark. But even when she had her most convincing smile on, there was a sad acquiescence in her eyes. That sadness was what endeared me to her the most, I think. The last dream ended with her realizing the emptiness in her life was not worth pursuing and letting her mask drop in front of a mark, who stabbed her in the chest.

That was all in the dreaming portion of my dream. When I eventually woke up (which seemed like I really woke up) I had a weekend off to myself so I took a drive north up 101. Somewhere around Healdsburg or Cloverdale I saw the broken down remains of the resort! I pulled off the road and started exploring the ruins, somehow knowing I would find some trace of the woman. I felt like I had such an intimate bond with her, that our connection would lead me to her. Not surprisingly, her spectral image appeared to me with the same vibrant smile but with no sadness in the eyes, like before. For a minute I thought that I could somehow help her but she started telling me about how she needed some money for something or other and I realized she had lost her soul and was condemned to grift for eternity. When I realized there was no redemption for her and that the connection I felt was shattered I dropped to my knees and wept. I woke up feeling bitter and broken.


I thought it was pretty interesting to dream about dreaming. I don't recall ever doing that before. What I find really intriguing, though, is the intense emotions I often feel in dreams. I rarely feel emotions that powerful in real life. In fact, sometimes I feel like I am numb, because I don't feel powerful emotions that often. It makes me wonder if the human brain has a physical or psychological need to experience those strong emotions. I know people often create drama in their real lives for seemingly no reason, perhaps that is related to why we (or at least I) often experience powerful emotions in dreams. Maybe drama whores don't sleep well.

In case you somehow thought that the justice system wasn't broken, go read about James Bain. Thirty-five years in jail -- likely more than a few of them under the worst possible circumstances, in light of the crime he was falsely accused of -- and constant refusals to even look at the evidence exonerating him. Just unbelievable.

Wild Hogs 2 has also been axed!

If Old Dogs causes one more awful project to get canned, I'd say it deserves a special Oscar for serving the greater good.

Hey, if you'd like a card, drop your addy in the comments. They're all screened and stuff.

I'd somehow missed the news that the worst newspaper not owned by Rupert Murdoch had, essentially folded. Eric Boehlert at Media Matter noticed, though, and gives the paper so crappy, you can't wrap fish in it the eulogy it deserves.

ETA: A lot of the older deals - including the ones in this post featuring Kung Fu, Farscape, Kids in the Hall, and others -- are still active, of course.

The 18 Days, 18 Deals video game deal today is on EA sports games, with about $15 off Madden, NCAA Football, FIFA Soccer, Tiger Woods PGA Golf, and NBA Live. (ETA: But see comments below).

For the second day in a row, the regular Deal of the Day is on Tekken 6, this time at 67% off, or $19.95.

Want to find all free products (Kindle books, MP3s, games) at Amazon? Go here and use the tags on the right.

In board games, Dominion is going for $29.99 including free shipping. It's a damned fine game (and one that might appeal to M:TG players interested in board games, too).

In DVDs, the James Bond Ultimate Collector's Set is $113.99 (61% off).

Burn Notice seasons 1 and 2 are on sale for $19.99 a pop (60% off).

The big TV show Sale includes 45% off or more on Eureka, Las Vegas, The Rockford Files, Kate & Allie, Leave it to Beaver, Crossing Jordan, and more.

Finally, there's yet another Movie and TV Lightning Deal Day. Current items include It's a Wonderful Life, Copycat, and Deliverance (all for under $7). Later deals include One Tree Hill, Brisco County, Breakfast at Tiffany's, La Vie en Rose, and more.

Today's Tweets:

• 11:45 Watching Porco Roso while I feed my daughter. #
• 07:19 Bored because I'm not working on comics. #
• 07:28 Wait, is this writer's block? I'd forgotten what it feels like. #

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Administration
Happy birthday to jetshade!

Medical
Lots of bitter exhaustion and crashing. I have to keep reminding myself that a) I am fully glutened and therefore and at 1/3 energy, and the energy will come back, and b) I'm running around like crazy after work, too.

So either one of those things would be a horrible body-crushing thing, on top of four hours of work + two hours and walking a few miles of commute.

And the fact that I am in physical hell over this is not an indicator that I cannot do the job, cannot sustain this. It's that I can't do the job + every damn other thing while I am having massive gluten fatigue. That's a big difference.

I only must drag my ass through three more workdays like this.

Family in Need
My friend's co-worker wasn't in the office yesterday; she left a message for her. Will let you know soon as I know.

On the Off Chance
Is anyone not working tomorrow? I need to get to the airport around noon, noon-thirty, and the thought of taking the T makes me nervous just because I don't trust the Silver Lie to run on time, and I have limited time. This would be just for me; Adam and Elayna are leaving from home, I'm leaving from work, which is in Central Square.

Link Soup, Daily Science Edition
* Some black holes may actually be 'quark stars'.
* EVIDENCE for the Higgs boson could be pouring down upon us from deep space. If so, an orbiting space telescope could upstage the Large Hadron Collider in the search for the elusive particle.
* Synthetic red blood cells.
* Hidden sensory system discovered in skin.
* Astronomers announced today that they have discovered a "super-Earth" orbiting a red dwarf star 40 light-years from Earth. They found the distant planet with a small fleet of ground-based telescopes no larger than those many amateur astronomers have in their backyards. Although the super-Earth is too hot to sustain life, the discovery shows that current, ground-based technologies are capable of finding almost-Earth-sized planets in warm, life-friendly orbits.

Plans
Work. Adam finally balanced the checkbook, so I must pay bills before we leave. Must also order Dad's gift. And pack for our trip. Including figuring out what backpack to use; the laptop backpack won't survive the trip, but my other backpacks are less structured, so I must find the most structured backpack. Must load stuff onto Kindle and hope it doesn't randomly dump its battery charge like it's been doing. (Send me your manuscripts; I'll read 'em if the Kindle actually works!) Must get Elayna started packing. Must remember to pack meds, and call in anything I'm low on. Must clean the entire downstairs. I must, I must, I must. Before 6:30, because I also must get to my friend's play. And I have zero time tomorrow morning.

Three more gluten workdays. Just three more.

Subject to change, but probably not much... already took myself off the one panel I wasn't as gung-ho about.

Friday
7:00pm: Trauma as Character Development

Saturday
Noon: Sexual Politics in Fandom

2:30pm: Reading - Shira Lipkin

4:00pm: Interstitial Fiction: Dancing Between Genres

5:00pm: Take Back the Sci-Fi

Sunday
6:00pm: Kick-Ass Moms

Monday
11:00am: Connection and Collaboration

Saturday will be a bit of a crazy day; the s00j concert is at 3, so I'll be busy from 2:30-6:00. Every other day is nice and relaxing, though.

Every single unlistenable and generic (yet Oscar-friendly) movie theme by Randy Newman, those horrible concoctions that befoul otherwise near-perfect Pixar films, is patterned musically on the opening verse of Cole Porter's "Let's Misbehave," only without even one one-thousandth of the verve or lyrical talent behind it. And with no influence at all from any of the later bits of the song.

A friend asked (in a locked post) what her readers do, what their days are like. My answer:

I fight crime. Then I come home and write stories.

Occasionally, I'll go back out again, or straight from work, and fight crime a little more.

So my day is the mad dash about the house getting everyone going, walk to the bus stop, walk from Harvard Square to Central - I could take the train the one stop, but my body is happier when I walk it, and so is my wallet, and I get more iPod time.

At BARCC, I manage all of the prospective and in-training volunteers, interns, and a whole bunch of community outreach/education stuff, as well as a lot of random unrelated things that have accrued under that position. I work a half-day, then slog home, where if I'm not too tired (I'm dealing with massive gluten fatigue; my biopsy is in two weeks), I get to write.

My daughter gets home at 3. So we get some hanging-out time before I make her start focusing on her homework. Then I get stuff done around the house, or nap, or read, or knit, til Adam gets home; then dinner and usually a few episodes of whatever show we're introducing Elayna to. (Pop culture is important here.)

Nighttime is sometimes for dates, sometimes for family cocooning, sometimes for group social stuff, sometimes for BARCC volunteer gigs.

Irregular, replacing any of the above: BARCC public education volunteer gigs. Here's a PDF of the workshops we do. Also I do survivor speeches and staff a table at fairs and community events, and help run the Clothesline Project. In the new year, we'll be starting a BARCC blog, too.

So. That. And then finally I take my nighttime meds and curl up in bed with Adam, a book, and one or more cats. And then I sleep.

You?

Old Dogs -- also known as Yet Another Dreary Robin Williams Comedy -- did so poorly that the Next Dreary Robin Williams Comedy has been axed. So if you're looking for something to be thankful for during this holiday season, there you go.

The Gold Box Deal of the Day is the Flip MinoHD Camcorder for $119.99 (40% off). We have a non-HD Flip Mino, and it's wonderful.

The 18 Days, 18 Deals Video Game Deal is Left 4 Dead 2 for $39.99 ($20 off).

The regular video game deal of the day is Tekken 6 for $49.99 ($10 off).

The MP3 of the Day is United, by Phoenix, for $1.99.

Today is also a Movie and TV Lightning Deal Day! Active deals include The Departed for $8.99 (74% off), Rescue Me Seasons 1-4 for $58.49 (68% off), and Dragonball Z: Dragon Box One for $29.49 (63% off). Later deals include all five seasons of B5 ($16.99 each), Tropic Thunder for $6.49, five seasons of Gray's Anatomy for $104.99, the John Wayne/John Ford collection for $25, 300 for $8.99, and more.

There's a free holiday MP3 from Big Bad Voodoo Daddy.

As far as deals that don't expire today go, there's a DVD grab bag sale with 35% off or more on Heathers, Crash (the TV series), Ghost in the Shell, Attack of the Killer Tomatoes, and a lot more (including the classic Hardbodies collection).

Also, The Shield: The Complete Series is $89.99 (44% off).

Finally, you can grab the 99 Most Essential Christmas Classics on MP3 for $5. The lack of Jonathan Coulton and Al Yankovic suggests that Amazon's use of "classic" is not the same as mine, but it's still a good deal.

Medical
Got a a nice nap yesterday afternoon, which really did help tremendously.

Just two more weeks of glutening, and then I go off for good.

Job
Am still liking it. :) But they are allowing me too much time to acclimate to the first part of the job description without moving to the next; yesterday I came up with ideas for a new volunteer project to run and a new revenue stream. I cannot be left to my own devices for five minutes without giving myself more to do! That's okay. Meeting with primary boss this morning and will be saying, "I am really really ready to learn more about X, Y, and Z!" and there's a whole big chunk of the new job I need to get info from my secondary bosses about; that'll happen Friday. Already on the schedule. And I have a very large project soon as I get back from vacation and biopsy. Which I love.

Got my first paycheck yesterday, and totally forgot to deposit it because I am unaccustomed to paychecks. Must do that today!

Computers
Got $300 from the parents towards a new laptop, so I have to raise about $600 more. Depending how aggressive the whirring/grinding sound gets, y'all may get a WTD out of this.

On the bright side, free netbook! djhath saw my $WINTERHOLIDAY wishlist and granted that particular wish. Awesome! So I have a wee mini computer to bring to Florida, and won't need to test the limits of my laptop backpack; it'll fit neatly in my regular backpack, which is not falling apart.

Boston Family Needs Help!
I'll be nudging my colleague today for more info and a donation location. Thanks, guys!

Tomorrow Night
Reading of a new Boston musical, "It's Working", written by a colleague! Central Square YMCA! Free! Your last chance to see me before the new year! Come on out!

Link Soup
* Love these Starbucks signs!
* Follow Time-Lost Batman on Twitter.
* Make 2010 a happier year!

Daily Science
Knitted science 101.

Plans
Today's the first day I'll really just get to come straight home from work. Which is great, because I have to pack! Reminder to self - also want to review some more of the BPAL Yules.

And nap again.

And tonight is Elayna's school band's winter concert, yay. :)

A friend and BARCC colleague just sent me the following:

Co-worker's apt burned down; mother of 5 kids. Total loss & no renters insurance. Kids have no clothes: 4 girls, 1 boy. Boy is 2 & takes 2-3t. Girls range from 9mo-9yrs. Contact me if you're able to donate clothes!

Comment here and I'll help coordinate. Thanks for any help you can provide! I'll update as I get more info.

James Frain -- so good as Thomas Cromwell on The Tudors -- is joining True Blood.